Friday Favorite: Courage, No Better Friend (early edition)

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”
― Winston Churchill

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Courage is an ever-changing, ever faithful friend.

Courage is always admirable, yet sometimes, remains elusive. Its form may change to fit each situation, but if you are dedicated, it’s always a perfect fit.

Courage can be loud. Courage is the tears military wives shed as they send their husbands to unknown parts of the world. Its Rosa Parks on a bus. Courage is the soldier who faces war.  It is the police officer who draws his weapon to protect you. It’s the child who seeks help for a friend. Courage is ordinary people doing extraordinary things. Courage isn’t always loud. Sometime is a soft whisper or an inaudible murmur. It’s the struggle to put one foot in front of the other when adversity surrounds you.

Sometimes, life leaves you shattered; courage picks up the pieces so you can move forward. Courage is a child who sits in a hospital bed, sick. It’s the aged person who continues to get out of bed every day even when though they can’t remember whose house they are in. After an awful day, courage is the voice in your head that says, “tomorrow will be better.” Courage, if we are lucky, sits at our side as we hang off the edge of a cliff. Courage is heaven-sent.

Courage can roar or come as a whisper. It comes in all different sizes, shapes, and ages. It knows no color, pay scale, or sexual orientation. Courage, can never be underestimated. Whatever form, you will find no better friend. There are times in our lives that we lose our courage. There are even times when we fall so far down that we don’t care where it went.

You aren’t alone. It happens to the best, and the worst, of us. It’s okay to live in that moment. There will come a time, hopefully sooner than later, when you hear courage knocking at your door. Let it in. It will stay at your side. Courage will hold your hand and give worthwhile advice. Listen. It can re-build your spirit.

When you are ready, courage will help you put one foot in front of the other until  you can do it on your own. It will guide you, back to the person you once were. I know it is hard to hear all the cheery kinds of do-gooder ideas people give you. Don’t worry, they don’t believe it either. It’s just something nice to say when you have no idea what to say. It’s what you tell someone when you have no experience, ideas, or education that can help the situation.

You should know: They are right. It will get better. Eventually, it will be okay. It might never be the perfection you had imagined. It probably isn’t what you deserve, but it is what it is supposed to be, by divine design. And one day, it will be better. It will definitely be different, but different doesn’t mean terrible. It means different.

It doesn’t happen over night and it doesn’t happen as easily as they might make it seem. There is no exact path. No right or wrong direction to travel. You might feel better one day and falling apart the next. It’s okay. It’s all okay. Live in the moment, don’t pass up life because it gets hard. Whatever it is, as much as it hurts, it’s worth living. Your courage, will help you.

Because of courage, you can accomplish anything, even the things that once seemed insurmountable. Please don’t give up. Whether it is money, kids, family, illness, career, or even death of a loved one–it will be better one day. Your friend has your back.

Take a deep breath, and say hello to your best friend, courage.

Courage: No Better Friend

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”
― Winston Churchill

____________________________

Courage is an ever-changing, ever faithful friend.

Courage is always admirable, yet sometimes, remains elusive. Its form may change to fit each situation, but if you are dedicated, it’s always a perfect fit.

Courage can be loud. Courage is the tears military wives shed as they send their husbands to unknown parts of the world. Its Rosa Parks on a bus. Courage is the soldier who faces war.  It is the police officer who draws his weapon to protect you. It’s the child who seeks help for a friend. Courage is ordinary people doing extraordinary things. Courage isn’t always loud. Sometime is a soft whisper or an inaudible murmur. It’s the struggle to put one foot in front of the other when adversity surrounds you.

Sometimes, life leaves you shattered; courage picks up the pieces so you can move forward. Courage is a child who sits in a hospital bed, sick. It’s the aged person who continues to get out of bed every day even when though they can’t remember whose house they are in. After an awful day, courage is the voice in your head that says, “tomorrow will be better.” Courage, if we are lucky, sits at our side as we hang off the edge of a cliff. Courage is heaven-sent.

Courage can roar or come as a whisper. It comes in all different sizes, shapes, and ages. It knows no color, pay scale, or sexual orientation. Courage, can never be underestimated. Whatever form, you will find no better friend. There are times in our lives that we lose our courage. There are even times when we fall so far down that we don’t care where it went.

You aren’t alone. It happens to the best, and the worst, of us. It’s okay to live in that moment. There will come a time, hopefully sooner than later, when you hear courage knocking at your door. Let it in. It will stay at your side. Courage will hold your hand and give worthwhile advice. Listen. It can re-build your spirit.

When you are ready, courage will help you put one foot in front of the other until  you can do it on your own. It will guide you, back to the person you once were. I know it is hard to hear all the cheery kinds of do-gooder ideas people give you. Don’t worry, they don’t believe it either. It’s just something nice to say when you have no idea what to say. It’s what you tell someone when you have no experience, ideas, or education that can help the situation.

You should know: They are right. It will get better. Eventually, it will be okay. It might never be the perfection you had imagined. It probably isn’t what you deserve, but it is what it is supposed to be, by divine design. And one day, it will be better. It will definitely be different, but different doesn’t mean terrible. It means different.

It doesn’t happen over night and it doesn’t happen as easily as they might make it seem. There is no exact path. No right or wrong direction to travel. You might feel better one day and falling apart the next. It’s okay. It’s all okay. Live in the moment, don’t pass up life because it gets hard. Whatever it is, as much as it hurts, it’s worth living. Your courage, will help you.

Because of courage, you can accomplish anything, even the things that once seemed insurmountable. Please don’t give up. Whether it is money, kids, family, illness, career, or even death of a loved one–it will be better one day. Your friend has your back.

Take a deep breath, and say hello to your best friend, courage.

A Letter

Dear Reader,

I hope this letter finds you well. I know things haven’t been easy for you. That’s probably an understatement. I have thought about you often. I have worried and wondered how you are doing. I never wanted you to think you were alone. I had to wait for you to find me. The important thing is you are here now. And, you definitely are not alone.

I know you are a strong, capable person. I am confident you can handle anything that comes your way. Sometimes, it’s just nice to know you don’t have to do it alone. It feels good to know you have someone to walk along side you. I wish had answers. I wish I could tell you how to make it hurt less or how to make it all go away. Unfortunately, that’s something no one can do.

People will try to solve your problems, or at least make you feel better. There are many reasons they do this. Most of them care about you deeply. The rest, well, they are probably carrying their own pain. Your pain and their pain may be too much for them to bear. They will tell you all those clichés people say to each other during hard times. You know the ones I am talking about. Try to be patient with them. Try to remember they do care about you, even if it isn’t in the way you need them to.

Firsts. Oh, there are going to be many of these. Usually we view firsts as exhilarating. They make us nervous, anxious, and excited all at once. The firsts you have now will probably bring you little more than apprehension, sorrow, and pain. Even the simplest task might make you weep. At least, that’s how it felt to me. Firsts are hard for another reason. They don’t all happen in a certain time frame. It might be 10 years down the line and you might experience a first. And, just so you know, it doesn’t feel any better than the first time you slept in your bed without him. Those are things that always bring you back to the pain.

The first dance our daughter went to, I cried. He was supposed to be there. The first baseball game our son ever played, I wept like a baby. The first time our youngest won a swim meet sent me to a room where I sat in tears. Those moments were all firsts for me, even though they were years later.  And they hurt just as bad as if they had happened right after his death.

Now you know; time does not heal all wounds. It does make it easier. It’s easier for a lot of reasons. Those moments that bring you to your knees come less often. And when you find yourself on the ground, getting up isn’t as difficult. And most importantly, time allows you to be happy more often than you are sad. It allows you to find yourself again. It allows you to sleep at night. It allows you to love and be loved once again. Time is a beautiful thing, and it does help.  Just don’t expect too much. It will not separate you from your past. It cannot build a wall between you and pain.

Time is only as good as its accomplice—you. It won’t happen overnight, or even over a month. It will happen. It will happen when you are ready for it to happen. There is no rule book. No one can tell you to do it this way or that. There are tricks and tips that can help you walk through the process, but nothing that can replace.

I can tell you what I went through and I can tell you how I got through. You might find comfort in knowing though, our experiences are different, many of our feelings are the same. Perhaps you will want to try some of my tips and hopefully they will work for you. I should tell you, I didn’t do this alone either.

I found a grief counselor. I never thought I would be a person to share my pain with someone so openly. I have to say, not only did I share with a stranger, but I’m not sure what I would have done without her. I used my husband’s Employer Assistance Plan to help me find the one I used. It’s something to consider.

Please don’t let fear inhibit your healing. I remember being terrified. I was afraid of forgetting him. What he sounded like. Afraid of not remembering his voice, or the way held me at night. I never dreamed that healing actually allowed me to remember him better. Randy is never a closed subject here. Sometimes it still brings tears, but those tears are sweet tears. I can think of him, talk about him, and still be okay. That is what time and healing can do for you. It isn’t the way I had imagined our lives together, but it is all I have. I feel thankful to have that. It’s a good feeling.

I am so proud of the path you are on. You have already made great strides towards recovery. There is a lot of road left to travel, but please don’t be discouraged. Like I said before, you are strong and capable. And, when you feel like you are not strong enough to take one more step, ask for a hand. If we walk this path together, we can learn from each other. We can lean on each other. We are not alone.

I hope to hear from you soon. Until then, please, take care of yourself.

Your new friend,

Sara